Post by The Known Unknown on Jan 19, 2011 23:46:41 GMT -5
That's right, the moment you all have been waiting for has finally arrived, The Coldest Player In The Game has returned from his vacation and with him he has brought the soul of the wrestling industry. You see the day I decided I'd rather be sitting on tropical beaches with tropical bitches instead of beating the shit out of "insert wrestler who couldn't hold my jock here..... Dylan Cage" is the day the wrestling industry as we know it died. All you short sighted crack babies are probably thinking to yourself, "How did the wrestling industry die, its alive and well". No the wrestling industry isn't alive and well, as I said the day I left, the wrestling industry as we know it passed on however money hungry fed owners couldn't live with that. They tried to resurrect the wrestling industry without me however since they only had a body with no soul essentially what they got was a zombie version of the wrestling industry. Matches were booked, titles changed hands, fans cheered, fans booed, however deep down they all knew what they were seeing was simply a reanimated corpse of something that used to be great. The wrestling industry has been suffering for a long time now but it won't have to suffer for much longer because when I step into the ring this week on Solitary I will do what every fed owner has hoped to do since I left and I will single handedly resurrect the wrestling industry.
With that being said, before I get to the really important stuff why don't I go ahead and take care of this gnat that seems determined to ping my radar. You see this gnat knows he isn't big enough nor is he important enough to set off my radar however he keeps right on trying and I figure his efforts should be rewarded. I mean come on guys I’m not completely heartless, when I see a down syndrome kid who isn’t drooling all over himself I tend to give them a doggie treat for a job well done, same principle here. So R.W. Randolph enjoy the fruits of your efforts.
"Perhaps it's the idea that I haven't heard from Double D in a long time. Perhaps it's the idea that, in my neck of the woods, there's been enough Ice around here you'd think the Coldest Player in the Game is making a comeback."
Well R.W. I can assure you that The Coldest Player In The Game is indeed making a return however my connection with Ice or should I say ICE isn't what you think it is. See what I did there R.W. I just falcon punched your minds fart box in such a way that it would make both R@YGOLD and Max Hardcore blush. Also R.W. I've got to say that I take great pride in making your feeble mind my first rape victim. It's moments like this that optimize the exact reason I choose to come here as The Known Unknown instead of just "
". All I have to do is make a few well placed comments and it will send people's minds off into panic mode like when Harley Quinn aka Bailey Jay reveals to people that she is really a he. See look its like a full season of Law And Order SVU crammed into one promo the way I’m mind raping all of you assholes subliminally and none of you even realize it. Think about it, we aren't even five minutes into my first promo here in the PWE and I've already made 10 porn references. So who do we all know that used to make a living off sex, Tyger Lilly and Dynamic Dynamite among others. Is there a reason I choose to mention them over the others I know base all their promos around sex? Yeah, I wanted to fuck with you idiots, am I either one of those people? No because I don't have herpes but I'm sure there are people out there who might believe that I’m DD or Lilly, good for them because even if I was one of them do you really think I'd tell you. Feel that pressure on your frontal lobe? That would be my dick!
"The other reason is the Known Unknown. I didn't know exactly who he was, but I saw a picture of his masked face. I came to the conclusion that he's either so ugly his mask is an improvement, also known as Famine of the Vile, or he is one of the 4 or 5 people that would make me get back into the ring."
You know R.W. I really don't take offence to this because I'm not Mr. "I was dead but now I'm alive again". If Famine Of The Vile were ever going to make an appearance in the PWE you'd be able to smell him a week before he showed up and since I don't smell alcohol, arm pits, rotting vagina, and the overwhelming aroma of uncreativity and mediocrity I'm inclined to say he isn't going to be making an appearance anytime soon. I did find it funny that you of all people have the nerve to pass judgment on anybodies appearance though. You look like a troll mated with Sarah Jessica Parker and when the doctor saw the abomination the two of them called an offspring he slammed it up against a wall repeatedly but despite his efforts he just couldn't get the bastard to stop breathing. Enough about you're family tree though R.W. wait, on second thought, why don't we talk about you're family tree a little? You see when I look at you then look at Famine Of The Vile I really don't see that much of a difference, I mean if you told me Famine was your wife, mother, sister, father, brother, cousin, uncle, aunt, niece, nephew, or all of the above I'd believe you. Anyway R.W. the one thing you've said recently that actually caught my attention was something you said when you weren’t even trying to get my attention.
“I will start off and apologize to Nathan Lucas. It wasn't anything personal against you. I just needed to get everything out of the way and your match provided the best opportunity to do so. What I will do, however, is see to it that some sort of "Last Chance Battle Royal" is implemented for a future Solitary, with the entrants being all of those not pinned in their respective matches. The Winner of that will fill the spot that was opened up by the No Contest between Josten, Taylor, and Shaw. That, of course, is pending approval by Mr. Connolly.”
If this is the case I may just find a way to throw my match this week or in the future without getting pinned so I can sit at home until its time for the battle royal. Why? It's simple really, unlike you R.W. I pride myself on being able to work smarter, not harder and the smartest thing for me to do would be to win the "second chance" battle of royal. Think about it, I'd only have one match to win and I'd get fast tracked to Crowning Glory. That means there would be less video of my matches for people to study and I wouldn’t have to change up my wrestling style every other week to confuse the assholes around here who actually watch tape. All in all it would make things much easier on me, work smarter not harder R.W., work smarter no harder…. Don’t ask me why I bothered repeating myself, trying to educate you is like trying to educate a brick wall.
Now that all this R.W. Randolph business is taken care of, its time to talk about the important things and at the same time thrust my cock deeper into the warm wet tissue of your brains. It has been a while since I stepped foot in the wrestling ring, none of you know who I truly am yet I know for a fact that each and every one of you remembers my last match. It was a main event, I had beaten my opponent several times in the past and there was nothing indicating that the rematch would any different. However it was different, very different, because you see when he hit me with his poor excuse for a finishing move and I tried to kick out, I couldn't. It was like everything I had been fighting through finally caught up with me and when I tried to squeeze just an ounce more gas out of the tank, I found out that it was empty. The sun finally shined on the biggest dog's ass in wrestling history, the blind, def, and dumb squirrel finally found a nut, in other words that douche bag *Name Edited* was finally able to beat me. Losing to that asshole was probably the absolute lowest point in my career, that is until I watched from home and saw how everybody was reacting to his victory.. When I was the champion everybody loved me but what happened when I lost my title? They all turned on me, my fans were now cheering for a man that optimized everything wrong in the wrestling industry. My groupies had turned on me as well, they didn't want me anymore, no, they wanted to be tea-bagged and donkey punched by the new champ, I was old news. Yes, I WAS old news but after relaxing at home and getting back to my normal 200% percent I figured it was time for me to snatch headlines once again. Notice I said 200%, in case you didn’t know that expression “You’re half the man he is” women like to throw around was actually what god told every man on the planet the day I was born.
Derek Hardaway you‘re half the man I am, bet you didn’t think I’d ever mention you huh? Sorry I couldn’t completely spare you from a verbal thrashing however I also couldn’t justify spending any extended amount of time on you. You see Hardaway the amount of time I spend talking about you in this promo is in direct correlation with the impact your career has had on the wrestling industry. Basically Hardaway your career at this point isn’t more than a footnote in the pages of wrestling history which is exactly why what I have to say about you can basically be written on a post it note. “You’re Nothing”, what more can be said Derek, if it wasn’t for the huge amount of hype my return has brought to this match do you really think that you would be wrestling in the match before the main event? In all honesty if I was wrestling anybody except you then this match would have been the main event but the amount of suckage you brought to the match was able to counteract the amount of awesomeness I brought and keep us out of the main event, way to go asshole.
Now I’m not Nathan Lucas and I haven’t forgotten about my other two opponents “??” and “??”, really? Am I the only mystery entrant that has enough creativity to go by something other than “?”, seriously R.W. Randolph was listed as “??” and he’s about as creative as Milli Vanilli. How about you tools not even show up to the match because no matter who you are, you’re not The Coldest Player In The Game and that’s all that really matters.
I’m now pulling my penis from heads, don’t bother trying to go to the police to get a rape kit, I wore a rubber. Like I’d go raw dog on any of you assholes, some of your minds are fucking filthy. The only person around here I'd mind fuck raw is Tomoko, hell I’d even bust my load inside that bitches sexy mind. Just imagine the mind babies we would have, with my unquestionable good looks, amazing wrestling skills, and ability to verbally murder anybody plus her great math skills and kung fu, our mind babies would be awesome. The PWE Universe has needed to be realigned for a long time now, the planets are starting to shift and revolve around the new center of the PWE Universe, YOU KNOW ME!
With that being said, before I get to the really important stuff why don't I go ahead and take care of this gnat that seems determined to ping my radar. You see this gnat knows he isn't big enough nor is he important enough to set off my radar however he keeps right on trying and I figure his efforts should be rewarded. I mean come on guys I’m not completely heartless, when I see a down syndrome kid who isn’t drooling all over himself I tend to give them a doggie treat for a job well done, same principle here. So R.W. Randolph enjoy the fruits of your efforts.
"Perhaps it's the idea that I haven't heard from Double D in a long time. Perhaps it's the idea that, in my neck of the woods, there's been enough Ice around here you'd think the Coldest Player in the Game is making a comeback."
Well R.W. I can assure you that The Coldest Player In The Game is indeed making a return however my connection with Ice or should I say ICE isn't what you think it is. See what I did there R.W. I just falcon punched your minds fart box in such a way that it would make both R@YGOLD and Max Hardcore blush. Also R.W. I've got to say that I take great pride in making your feeble mind my first rape victim. It's moments like this that optimize the exact reason I choose to come here as The Known Unknown instead of just "
". All I have to do is make a few well placed comments and it will send people's minds off into panic mode like when Harley Quinn aka Bailey Jay reveals to people that she is really a he. See look its like a full season of Law And Order SVU crammed into one promo the way I’m mind raping all of you assholes subliminally and none of you even realize it. Think about it, we aren't even five minutes into my first promo here in the PWE and I've already made 10 porn references. So who do we all know that used to make a living off sex, Tyger Lilly and Dynamic Dynamite among others. Is there a reason I choose to mention them over the others I know base all their promos around sex? Yeah, I wanted to fuck with you idiots, am I either one of those people? No because I don't have herpes but I'm sure there are people out there who might believe that I’m DD or Lilly, good for them because even if I was one of them do you really think I'd tell you. Feel that pressure on your frontal lobe? That would be my dick!"The other reason is the Known Unknown. I didn't know exactly who he was, but I saw a picture of his masked face. I came to the conclusion that he's either so ugly his mask is an improvement, also known as Famine of the Vile, or he is one of the 4 or 5 people that would make me get back into the ring."
You know R.W. I really don't take offence to this because I'm not Mr. "I was dead but now I'm alive again". If Famine Of The Vile were ever going to make an appearance in the PWE you'd be able to smell him a week before he showed up and since I don't smell alcohol, arm pits, rotting vagina, and the overwhelming aroma of uncreativity and mediocrity I'm inclined to say he isn't going to be making an appearance anytime soon. I did find it funny that you of all people have the nerve to pass judgment on anybodies appearance though. You look like a troll mated with Sarah Jessica Parker and when the doctor saw the abomination the two of them called an offspring he slammed it up against a wall repeatedly but despite his efforts he just couldn't get the bastard to stop breathing. Enough about you're family tree though R.W. wait, on second thought, why don't we talk about you're family tree a little? You see when I look at you then look at Famine Of The Vile I really don't see that much of a difference, I mean if you told me Famine was your wife, mother, sister, father, brother, cousin, uncle, aunt, niece, nephew, or all of the above I'd believe you. Anyway R.W. the one thing you've said recently that actually caught my attention was something you said when you weren’t even trying to get my attention.
“I will start off and apologize to Nathan Lucas. It wasn't anything personal against you. I just needed to get everything out of the way and your match provided the best opportunity to do so. What I will do, however, is see to it that some sort of "Last Chance Battle Royal" is implemented for a future Solitary, with the entrants being all of those not pinned in their respective matches. The Winner of that will fill the spot that was opened up by the No Contest between Josten, Taylor, and Shaw. That, of course, is pending approval by Mr. Connolly.”
If this is the case I may just find a way to throw my match this week or in the future without getting pinned so I can sit at home until its time for the battle royal. Why? It's simple really, unlike you R.W. I pride myself on being able to work smarter, not harder and the smartest thing for me to do would be to win the "second chance" battle of royal. Think about it, I'd only have one match to win and I'd get fast tracked to Crowning Glory. That means there would be less video of my matches for people to study and I wouldn’t have to change up my wrestling style every other week to confuse the assholes around here who actually watch tape. All in all it would make things much easier on me, work smarter not harder R.W., work smarter no harder…. Don’t ask me why I bothered repeating myself, trying to educate you is like trying to educate a brick wall.
Now that all this R.W. Randolph business is taken care of, its time to talk about the important things and at the same time thrust my cock deeper into the warm wet tissue of your brains. It has been a while since I stepped foot in the wrestling ring, none of you know who I truly am yet I know for a fact that each and every one of you remembers my last match. It was a main event, I had beaten my opponent several times in the past and there was nothing indicating that the rematch would any different. However it was different, very different, because you see when he hit me with his poor excuse for a finishing move and I tried to kick out, I couldn't. It was like everything I had been fighting through finally caught up with me and when I tried to squeeze just an ounce more gas out of the tank, I found out that it was empty. The sun finally shined on the biggest dog's ass in wrestling history, the blind, def, and dumb squirrel finally found a nut, in other words that douche bag *Name Edited* was finally able to beat me. Losing to that asshole was probably the absolute lowest point in my career, that is until I watched from home and saw how everybody was reacting to his victory.. When I was the champion everybody loved me but what happened when I lost my title? They all turned on me, my fans were now cheering for a man that optimized everything wrong in the wrestling industry. My groupies had turned on me as well, they didn't want me anymore, no, they wanted to be tea-bagged and donkey punched by the new champ, I was old news. Yes, I WAS old news but after relaxing at home and getting back to my normal 200% percent I figured it was time for me to snatch headlines once again. Notice I said 200%, in case you didn’t know that expression “You’re half the man he is” women like to throw around was actually what god told every man on the planet the day I was born.
Derek Hardaway you‘re half the man I am, bet you didn’t think I’d ever mention you huh? Sorry I couldn’t completely spare you from a verbal thrashing however I also couldn’t justify spending any extended amount of time on you. You see Hardaway the amount of time I spend talking about you in this promo is in direct correlation with the impact your career has had on the wrestling industry. Basically Hardaway your career at this point isn’t more than a footnote in the pages of wrestling history which is exactly why what I have to say about you can basically be written on a post it note. “You’re Nothing”, what more can be said Derek, if it wasn’t for the huge amount of hype my return has brought to this match do you really think that you would be wrestling in the match before the main event? In all honesty if I was wrestling anybody except you then this match would have been the main event but the amount of suckage you brought to the match was able to counteract the amount of awesomeness I brought and keep us out of the main event, way to go asshole.
Now I’m not Nathan Lucas and I haven’t forgotten about my other two opponents “
??” and “??”, really? Am I the only mystery entrant that has enough creativity to go by something other than “?”, seriously R.W. Randolph was listed as “??” and he’s about as creative as Milli Vanilli. How about you tools not even show up to the match because no matter who you are, you’re not The Coldest Player In The Game and that’s all that really matters. I’m now pulling my penis from heads, don’t bother trying to go to the police to get a rape kit, I wore a rubber. Like I’d go raw dog on any of you assholes, some of your minds are fucking filthy. The only person around here I'd mind fuck raw is Tomoko, hell I’d even bust my load inside that bitches sexy mind. Just imagine the mind babies we would have, with my unquestionable good looks, amazing wrestling skills, and ability to verbally murder anybody plus her great math skills and kung fu, our mind babies would be awesome. The PWE Universe has needed to be realigned for a long time now, the planets are starting to shift and revolve around the new center of the PWE Universe, YOU KNOW ME!